Bridges Over Troubled Water
by KittenOfDoomage
Summary: A year after the Hellmouth was destroyed, Xander has been working in Cleveland, and returns to LA to spend the anniversary of Anya's death as close to her final resting place as he can get. Whilst there, he stops in LA to visit Faith & CO and decides to follow a seemingly harmless job checking up on a patient who has been having visions...X/S FRIENDSHIP SPUFFY X/A.
1. A Year To The Day

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing of the characters.

This story is set after season seven, and does not follow comic canon or Angel S5. It's set a year after the Hellmouth has been destroyed. Xander has been working in Cleveland, and returns to LA to spend the anniversary of Anya's death as close to her final resting place as he can get. Whilst there, he stops in LA to visit Faith and her branch of Slayers, and decides to follow a seemingly harmless job checking up on a mental patient who has been having visions of Slayers….Spike/Xander friendship mainly, Spuffy undertones.

**A/N:** This is my first Spike/Xander centric story. There will be no slash, it's not that kind of fic. I just think that Xander sometimes got a bad rap on the show and I used to hate his behaviour, but I've decided to give him a chance to redeem himself. At least, in this fantasy! I'm not sure how long this fic is going to be, it depends how long it takes for issues to be resolved.

* * *

**A YEAR TO THE DAY**

* * *

The car was too quiet for his liking, but he didn't think he could stand the seemingly non-stop cheery pop music that would be on the radio. Today was a serious day for him, a day of mourning. Not that he hadn't spent every day of the last year mourning. He'd experienced loss before, but that day, he'd lost the world, even though they'd saved it. He'd kept on going, walking through the first few weeks as if in a daze.

He wasn't blind…well, he wasn't entirely blind. He knew Buffy was grieving too. They'd spent many nights in companionable silence, not speaking of the ones they had lost, but knowing who the other was thinking of. He'd respected Spike in the end – he'd given his life to save the woman he loved. He didn't believe Spike was so inclined to save the rest of the world, but for Buffy, Xander understood that the blond vampire would have trudged through Hell and back. He understood that love. It was exactly the same love as he had for Anya. Always. Not just at the end of it all. Just too scared to admit it before.

She'd given her life for someone too. Someone unworthy probably but he'd hoped it had given her peace. When Buffy had died and they'd thought she was in a hell dimension, it had troubled Xander. But thinking of Anya suffering the same fate – that gave him nightmares. She was so sweet and loving, albeit blunt in her ways…she did not deserve to burn. He feared that her demonic past would have condemned her. It drove him crazy not being able to know for certain she was safe and at rest.

Even though he'd give his own soul a million time over if she were at his side instead.

As he slammed on the brakes and skidded to a halt in the desert, he realised that he was crying. He wiped his face, irritated that his patch had gotten wet. It was weird that his lost eye still produced tears, and according to the doctor it was perfectly normal. He'd only lost his eye, not the parts around it. They still worked. He'd recently been for an appointment about having a prosthetic eye fitting, but upon remembering the creepy caretaker from his elementary school, he'd decided against it. That guy's glass eye, always staring in the same direction and occasionally rolling around…he shuddered. Horrible.

The engine turned off as he pulled the key out, leaving him in the dark and silence of the night. He opened the car door, checking on his weapons holder in the back seat. He didn't think he was at risk out here but it was better to be safe than sorry. He wished Buffy had accepted his invitation, but when he'd mentioned it to her, she'd cried and said it was too hard. In truth this was hard for him; only he had to do it. He owed _her _at least this much. To stand and pay tribute to her, remember everything that made her and all the ways he loved her.

He'd always love her.

Giles said that meant people never really died. They always lived on in our hearts. He'd tried to explain it to Buffy and in return he had received that look of hers; the one she reserved for people she wouldn't trust again. Xander knew what Giles had tried to do, what they all had tried to do at one point or another. He could accept that Spike had fought for his redemption and believed it was wrong to take her choice away from her, even more so in the light of Robin's very personal involvement. He'd heard her tirades on the subject, when the pain wasn't so raw and she'd spoken to him, revealed things he'd never known about her.

If one good thing had come from all this death, he knew his best friend all the better for it, and she often rang him now to talk, to reminisce. He knew he was the only one she could confide him. And he truly wished he could give her back what she had lost when she had lost her vampire.

He stopped for a moment in his musings and leant against the car, only to jump when his cell rang. He pulled out his cell, flicking the top and answering. 'Hey Buffy, was just thinking about you.'

'_Hey Xan. I was just ringing to check up. Did you get to LA?'_

'Yeah, I passed through. I'm out in the desert at the moment, you must have just caught me with signal.'

'_I'm glad. I wish I could have come with you…'_ A sniffle came across the line and his heart broke for her. _'I'm sorry. I should be there. But I don't think…I may have crumbled just like the town if I'd faced it. Dawn's gone out so I've got a tub of Ben and Jerry's and a gooey chick flick to cry to later.'_ He smiled and nodded, even though she couldn't see him.

'Okay, Buff. You know I'll be back in London before you know it.' He looked around. 'It's pretty creepy out here.' He chuckled. 'I'm gonna check in with the group of Slayer's in LA, I think Faith is still there. Maybe stay a day or two and then head back. I did try to get hold of my folks but…' He left the sentence hanging. Buffy knew all about how his parents hadn't seemed to care he was still alive after Sunnydale. It was heart breaking to her but he was kinda used to it. Still, would have been nice to see them one more time.

'_No worries Xan. Call me when you're back in LA, just so I know you haven't been eaten or anything. Don't worry about the time difference. I don't sleep much, you know that.'_

He frowned, wishing he could help her more. Buffy was stubborn however, and he knew she would heal in her own time. He said his goodbye and hung up, looking over to the horizon and the soft glow of the city in the distance. The sun would be rising in the next hour and he wanted to do this properly. Last thing he needed was gawky tourists who come to see the carnage of "The Lost City" staring at him in his ritual of mourning. He walked around the car and opened the passenger door, picking up his rucksack from the footwell. He slung it over his shoulder and locked the car up.

He started to walk, fishing for the flashlight in his pocket as he knew falling into the crater would not be a smart thing to do. As he turned it on, he nearly fell over a bush and he cursed himself and then the bush. Naturally it was the bush's fault for creeping up on him in the dark.

The flashlight lit up the sandy ground in front of him, and as he neared the edge of the crater, it cast eerie shadows across the earth. He slowed as he approached the edge, cautiously looking over and into the sunken pit with the flashlight. Pieces of metal, wood and concrete reflected the light back at him and he sighed heavily, thinking of the town that he'd called home all his life.

All gone now.

She was gone now.

The tears came again and Xander cursed his weakness. He knew it wasn't something to be ashamed of, crying wasn't a bad thing; Willow constantly told him that. He still felt like it was a little unmanly to bawl his eyes out so much though. Maybe this "anniversary" would give him a little closure and he could stop feeling like such a girl.

He surveyed the area around him with his one eye for a moment and then opened the rucksack, pulling out a candle and a rose. He shuffled in his pocket for a lighter and lit the candle, placing it on the floor. He laid the rose in front of it and then sat cross legged in front of his little shrine. The last thing in the rucksack was a photo of Anya, one of the rare ones he'd captured of her alone. She was radiant in the sunshine in the photo, a way he'd never see her again. His heart swelled again as he placed the photo in front of the rose, glad the air was still tonight or it may have ruined this entire thing.

Maybe something out there had taken pity on his grief and stopped the wind just for her.

Maybe it was her doing it.

He kinda hoped it was.

* * *

The sun had risen. He had been sat on the cold ground for at least three hours. His legs were cramping and his mouth was dry. But he couldn't bring himself to move. He didn't want to move. Didn't want to stop thinking of her. But he had to go. Otherwise he would sit here forever just waiting to be with her again.

And he wasn't the type to just give up on life.

So he pulled himself to his feet and with one last lingering look at the place he'd lived all his life, his one Starbucks town and all the memories he'd made there, he turned and walked back to his car. Five minutes later he started the engine and drove off, leaving Sunnydale behind.

Three hours later he'd parked outside an old hotel, where the faded signs proclaimed "Hyperion Hotel". He'd been here once before, and knew his least favourite vampire owned it. But from what he understood, Angel avoided the place because of its current residents and because he was off playing CEO of a massive law firm. Xander had no desire to see him. Buffy had spoken to him briefly after Sunnydale was destroyed, and it had left her angry for a good few days. He had a feeling she still held a grudge against whatever the vampire had said to her.

He sat in the car for a few moments before looking at the clock on the dashboard. It was just after 9am so he imagined someone would be awake inside the hotel, and so he climbed out of the car, brushing the remnants of the desert from his trousers as he locked the driver's side door and moved round to the trunk, grabbing a holdall and heading towards the hotel entrance. The door was unlocked open, but he could feel the bristle of a magical barrier around the outside, years of being around magic making him a little attuned to the feel of it. He entered, figuring that someone would be around. He was right. Faith sat at the welcome desk, her bare feet up on the desk and a tattoo magazine firmly in hand. As he walked towards her, she glanced up and smiled widely.

'Xan-man!' She chorused and put the magazine down, standing from her relaxed position and heading towards the brunette. He smiled tightly and nodded in greeting.

'Faith. How are things?'

'Not too bad, not too bad at all.' She grinned. 'It's good to see another adult, man. Got so many kids running round her, and Robin's been off on some training thing for like, a week. I'm starting to go a little stir crazy here. What's brings you to my neck of the woods anyway?' She asked, motioning that they go to the office. Her gaze drifted to the stairs and he was sure he saw concern pass over her face. He filed it away for later questioning.

'I was…passing through. Thought I'd stop by and make myself useful for a couple of days. You got anything needs fixing?' He joked. Faith chuckled and shut the office door behind them as they entered. She took a seat by the desk that dominated the room and he sat opposite. Opening the desk drawer, she pulled out two sodas and chucked him one, smiling as he took it gratefully.

'Buffy rang me, said you were probably going to drop by. You staying for a couple of days? Some of my girls would love to hear your war stories.'

A chorus of doors opening from the upper levels stopped him from answering straight away, and he realised that the concerned look she'd had earlier was for the influx of girls under her protection. For her credit, Faith seemed to have taken to her job as a leader very well; better than she had in Sunnydale. She'd…matured…as much as Faith could anyway. She had definitely changed.

Xander realised he had yet to speak and smiled awkwardly. 'Yeah. Just a couple. I don't mind sharing some tales. Got a few I think.' He slurped his soda and looked back at the closed door. The lobby was beginning to get noisy.

'They'll clear off into the dining hall soon for breakfast. That's mostly the younger girls, the older ones were up until sunrise on patrol, so they won't rise until the afternoon. I don't let them go out unaccompanied unless they're over sixteen. Giles' suggestion.' Faith explained, finishing her drink and crushing the can with ease. 'It's been a year today, hasn't it?' Xander nodded in reply, ignoring the pain in his chest. Faith's mouth formed a thin line. 'Can't believe it's gone so quick.' She murmured, and looked at the clock herself. Then she changed the subject, something for which the former carpenter could not be more grateful. 'I'll get you settled in and you can get some sleep. I'll introduce you to my oldest girls later.'

She stood and strode to the office door, opening it and breathing a sigh of relief as she saw the girls were filtering into the dining hall. Xander stood behind her, also looking relieved that he could avoid a crowd of teenagers. He'd always felt uncomfortable around all the girls in Sunnydale. Maybe it was mistake being here…

Faith headed across the lobby and up the stairs, Xander following quickly behind. She showed him to a room and was about to strike up conversation again until a shrill voice called her name, followed by a smashing noise. She rolled her eyes and apologised to Xander, who grinned in response and waved her off. She shouted back to whoever had called her and shut the door of the room, leaving Xander in silence. He looked around, eyed up the bed and promptly passed out.

* * *

He awoke several hours later. It was still light outside and he blinked several times before remembering where he was. Wrinkling his nose, he knew he smelt bad and decided a shower was the best course of action. And luckily, Faith had given him the privacy of a room with an ensuite. A working shower. Bliss.

Twenty minutes later, he emerged from the room smelling fresh and in clean clothes. He looked around the corridor and sighed, heading for the stairs. As he moved downstairs, he saw a small group of girls researching in the main lobby. The phone rang and a sweet voice answered it. Catching sight of Faith, he moved to her, ignoring the stares and whispers of the girls around him.

'Xander!' Faith said, noticing him. 'How'd you sleep?'

'Good, thanks Faith.' He said, running a hand through his hair. He motioned to all the girls researching and stuffed his hands in his pockets. 'What's the research for?' He enquired and Faith sighed heavily.

'Got some clan of vampires terrorising Beverly Hills. It's a paid contract by some community of the rich and famous. Don't want their images harmed. I gotta feed my girls, so I got a bunch of them working on it.'

'Anything I can do?'

Faith opened her mouth to reply when she was interrupted again, this time by the phone answering voice. She looked exasperated and turned to face the voice with a patient smile. 'What's wrong?'

'Sorry.' A mousy girl timidly replied, knowing she'd pissed Faith off. 'One of our contacts over at the hospital rang just now. Says they had a guy brought in yesterday. He was found comatose and badly injured in an alleyway, woke up during the night screaming about demons.'

'That's not unusual in LA.' Faith replied, looking bored.

'I agree. Except this man has also been screaming about slayers.' The girl waited for a response as Faith grew serious.

'I can't go until later. Where are they keeping him?'

'He's in the emergency room at the moment. He was seriously injured when they brought him in, badly burnt. Marie didn't go into too much detail, she couldn't without getting into trouble. They've got him being assessed by psych at the moment.'

'Best we get to him sooner rather than later.' Faith mumbled, thinking of who she could send.

'I can go?' Xander offered, raising his hand. 'I can make enquiries about looking for a brother. If you can tell this contact to look for me, I'll find out what this guy's about.' Faith nodded in agreement.

'That's a good idea. Thanks Xander. Will you do me a favour? Take Sarah,' She pointed to an older girl with her nose in a book by the reception desk, 'Just in case.' He nodded, feeling a little less useless at the prospect of something to do. Something to take his mind off of the day. At least it was gone three, so he'd not have much more of the day to get through. The slayer Faith had pointed to smiled at him and he warmed a little. She seemed like a nice girl at least.

He hoped she wasn't going to ask too many questions.

* * *

The hospital was busy when they got there and it took a while to find Marie. When they'd found her, she'd been grateful for their presence. Apparently the man had become scared and violent, not able to remember who he was or where he was. They'd had to sedate him and move him to a secure room until psych could eventually assess him. After a trip down winding corridors filled with gurneys and emergency room patients, they came to a quieter part of the ER, where Marie stopped outside a room with shuttered windows. 'He's in here. He's in soft restraints and pretty heavily sedated so you might not get much sense out of him. He's scared too so try not to freak him out too much. Feel kinda bad for the guy, he was real messed up when he came in last night, they had to resuscitate him three times, thought they'd lost him. Gave the night shift quite a start when he suddenly woke up screaming. He should be dead.'

Xander swallowed hard, wondering what they'd find beyond the door. Marie opened it and they stepped inside, Xander's eye adjusting to the dimmed room. He looked over to the figure on the bed, taking in the sandy coloured messy hair and various wounds on him. He moved closer and looked down, frowning at the familiarity of the face and almost kacking his pants as the man opened his eyes and looked at him.

'Holy Zeus…' Xander whispered, glancing at Sarah. 'It's Spike.'

* * *

**A/N:** I've got some idea as to how this story is going to go. It's mostly Spike/Xander interaction as I said before. I would like to know how people feel about it so far before I continue. Many thanks for reading!


	2. Seeing Ghosts

**Disclaimer:** I own nothing of the characters.

This story is set after season seven, and does not follow comic canon or Angel S5. It's set a year after the Hellmouth has been destroyed. Xander has been working in Cleveland, and returns to LA to spend the anniversary of Anya's death as close to her final resting place as he can get. Whilst there, he stops in LA to visit Faith and her branch of Slayers, and decides to follow a seemingly harmless job checking up on a mental patient who has been having visions of Slayers….Spike/Xander friendship mainly, Spuffy undertones.

**A/N:** This is my first Spike/Xander centric story. There will be no slash, it's not that kind of fic. I just think that Xander sometimes got a bad rap on the show and I used to hate his behaviour, but I've decided to give him a chance to redeem himself. At least, in this fantasy! I'm not sure how long this fic is going to be, it depends how long it takes for issues to be resolved.

* * *

**Seeing Ghosts**

* * *

Spike was alive. Maybe not entirely in one piece, judging by the serious looking wounds, but he was alive. _Alive. _Breathing. Hooked up to one of those little monitors that beeped in time with a_ human _heart rate.

Xander wasn't entirely sure his brain could cope with the new information.

His ears certainly couldn't cope with the high pitched scream that suddenly burst from the previously dead vampire as he became fully alert. The restraints around his wrists and ankles held him down but in no way still. He writhed and pitched on the bed, high pitched screams becoming yells for something the one eyed brunette could not understand. Marie, the nurse, rushed forward and pushed the call button, trying to calm the figure on the bed down.

'Sir, sir! Please, calm down, we're only trying to help!' She looked up at Xander. 'You recognised him? What's his name?'

Xander stood dumbstruck for a second before spluttering and responding to the nurse, all the while stepping away from the bed and the confusing feelings he had surrounding this new situation. 'W-william. His name is William.' _Definitely better than Spike. Always thought that was a stupid name._

'William.' Marie shouted, her hand trying to hold Spike's shoulders down. 'William!' She raised her voice and the man stilled for a second, staring at her. Then his eyes rolled back in his head and he collapsed onto the pillows beneath him, the monitors beside him going nuts as reopened wounds on his body started bleeding profusely. The door to the small room opened and a doctor rushed in, looking fiercely at Xander and his female companion before asking the nurse for an update.

Everything seemed to rush by. Xander didn't understand what they were saying, and the doctor was frantically checking the machines, prodding Spike and checking his heart, frowning and mentioning words like "surgery". He had always hated hospitals, and even now, even when the patient was someone he'd never cared for…it wasn't a pleasant place to be.

'Sir?' The doctor was in front of him all of a sudden, and Xander noticed that several other medical types had entered the room and begun to work on the now deathly still body on the bed. 'The nurse says you know this man?' His attention was caught and he nodded, his mouth doing a pretty good impression of a fish. The doctor looked really pissed at him. 'Are you a relation?'

A few seconds passed and then Xander shook himself out of it. 'Y-yeah. Yes. I'm his brother. Half-brother. His name is William Harris.' _Okay, totally winging it. And how weird does that sound? He's my brother. Ha. I'll laugh about it later._

The doctor frowned again. 'He is seriously ill. We need to get him up to the OR immediately or he may not survive.'

'What's wrong with him?' Sarah piped up, noticing that Xander was struggling to compute much English.

'His spleen is badly damaged and there's some lacerations to the liver and other damage to his organs. His heart is struggling, he needs major surgery now or he will not last the night. Are you prepared to sign consent?' The doctor asked and Xander nodded, his eyes fixed on the medics preparing Spike to be moved. 'Good. If you would follow the medics, they'll take your brother up to the OR and you can fill in the paperwork there.'

Xander nodded again. _Paperwork…that means I need to think up some fake stuff. And quickly. Crap. I wish Willow was here._ 'I need to call someone. Is that okay?'

The doctor nodded and then motioned to the medics to move the patient. 'You can use the phone upstairs.'

'Thanks.' Sarah looked at him and he drew her to one side quickly. 'Look, I'm going to call Willow. Can you go back and check in with Faith, make sure she doesn't tell anyone else who this is, we need to figure this out before letting anyone else know.' Sarah nodded and left the room, and Xander took a deep breath before following the medics and the gurney containing the ex-vampire out of the room.

* * *

It had been four hours. He'd paced the waiting room, read the magazines, and stared at the clock. Willow was on her way, luckily she had only been in Vegas. And alone. He didn't think he could handle Kennedy along with the mess he was in. He couldn't trust Kennedy to keep her mouth shut either.

He'd thought about calling Giles. He'd thought about calling Buffy. He knew he'd have to tell the Watcher eventually. But he didn't know what to do about Buffy. If it were him, and it was Anya who'd been brought back…he'd want to know. But it would break his heart for her not to know him. And if she died again…no. He couldn't, wouldn't tell Buffy just yet. He'd make sure Spike was okay, try and get him back to his normal self. Then he'd tell the Slayer. As much as he had disliked Spike, he was what she wanted and he wouldn't stop his best friend from being happy. Not again.

'Xander?' A tired voice sounded from the door and Xander turned, sighing in relief as he saw his red headed childhood friend. He rushed to her and enveloped her in a bear hug, holding her tightly until she giggled under his weight. 'Xander…what's going on? I thought you'd been hurt, then you tell me you're in the surgery waiting room.'

He pulled away from her but kept his hands on her shoulders. 'You're not going to believe this, Wills. I came over here to investigate a crazy guy shouting about demons and slayers, just as a favour to Faith. And you won't believe who I found. _Alive and breathing._ It's Spike, Willow. He's back.' The witch had only stunned silence for him. 'He doesn't seem to know me, and he is way more crazy than he was in the basement. And seriously hurt. He's in surgery now.'

'Have…oh goddess. Have you rung Buffy?' Willow asked, her eyes wide as saucers.

'No. I didn't want to get her hopes up…in case he died. He was in a bad way.' Xander ran his hand over his face and then looked at the clock again. 'It's been over four hours now.' He sat down in an uncomfortable plastic chair and Willow followed suit, patting him on the back. 'I told them he was my half-brother. Had to make up all this crap for the forms, I didn't know what else to do. As far as they know he's 28, his name is William Harris and he disappeared a year ago. Which is more or less the truth. I didn't know what else to do!' He slapped his hands on his forehead and sighed heavily.

'It's okay. That stuff will be fine. If anyone asks, we'll just say you have the same dad but that "William" was the result of an affair or something. And you didn't know about him until a few years ago. And he lived in England. You know, if his accent is the same. Did you happen to notice?' She asked. Her best friend shook his head.

'Was hard to tell through all the screaming.' Xander muttered. 'I guess we're going to have to play this by ear.' He frowned. 'How stupid is that phrase?'

Willow smiled and then jumped as a door down the corridor opened. It was getting late and the corridors had been silent by the time she'd gotten to the hospital. So the unexpected noise of a door was enough to blast through her already frayed nerves. Xander chuckled as she gripped his hand tightly, and then his smile faded when a man dressed in blue scrubs stepped through the door, a surgical mask pulled down under his chin.

'Mr Harris?' The man asked, his eyebrows raised.

'Yeah, that's me.' Xander stood, pulling Willow with him. 'This is my friend, Willow Rosenburg, she knows Sp-William aswell. How is he?' To be honest, Xander was shocked by the concern in his own voice. He'd never had thought in a million years that he would be worried about Spike. But then he'd never thought that Spike would save the world, die for a year and then come back human and insane.

'My name is Doctor Caldwell, I operated on your brother. He's pulled through the surgery. We had to repair a lot of damage and he's on a ventilator for the time being. You can come through and see him if you would like? I assume you're the only family here?'

'I'm the only family he has.' Xander said gruffly.

The doctor nodded. 'Okay then. There are some more forms that need completing but it's rather late now. If you would like to see him briefly, I can explain a few more things and then we'll sort out the paperwork in the morning. Are you staying nearby?' Xander nodded. 'Okay then. He's just through here in recovery.'

Willow looked at Xander as she let go of his hand. 'Just let me know what you can yeah?' She watched him leave with the doctor and the sank into a chair.

* * *

The doctor led him through a set of double doors and through a lobby into another room, where the door announced rather proudly "recovery suite". There were other people in the room, maybe two or three, but Xander paid no attention as he followed Doctor Caldwell to a curtained off area. Behind the curtain lay Spike, attached to more monitors than Xander could figure out in the darkened room. He was covered in bandages and a solid cast engulfed one foot up to the knee. Tubes and wires were attached in several places and a massive blue mask covered his face, attached to a machine that seemed to be breathing for him. It was a pretty scary sight.

'We had to drain a large amount of blood from his internal organs. His spleen has been completely removed and his right ankle is broken. We've had to sew up several lacerations and he'll be on the ventilator until we can ascertain that he is able to breathe for himself. It might be a few days before he wakes up. We're keeping him sedated for the time being.'

'Does…does anyone know what happened to him?'

The doctor shook his head. 'If I had to hazard a guess, from the injuries? He got hit by a truck. It's a wonder we kept him alive, Mr Harris. He's a very lucky man.'

'They said he didn't remember anything when he came in. Is that likely to change?'

'His scans came back clear, no head injuries. The mind reacts in funny ways to stressful situations, Mr Harris. He will probably wake up perfectly fine.' He checked the folder at the bottom of the bed containing the ex-vampire and wrote something down. 'I'm due in surgery again soon. Another doctor will take over his care in the morning. Visiting hours start at eight a m. If you'd like to come back then, you can fill out the rest of the paperwork and discuss his future treatment with the doctor. It's likely he'll need a lot of help.'

Xander nodded and moved to the side of the bed, resting his hand on Spike's and feeling incredibly odd about it. But it didn't feel like he could just _leave_. 'I'll be back in the morning, Spike.' His mouth was a thin line as he turned back to a confused looking doctor. 'Sorry. It's a nickname. He always preferred it.' The doctor seemed to accept his explanation and turned away, leaving the room. Xander took one last look at the vampire and left too, collecting Willow on his way out.

* * *

'So we don't know anything beyond "He's really hurt and still in danger"' Faith asked, bouncing her foot off of the leg of the chair. Xander and Willow had been back from the hospital about an hour and the witch had already claimed a room and gone to get some sleep. Faith had insisted on hearing the whole story from Xander, having been exceptionally confused by Sarah's short tale earlier.

'Nope. I've got to call Giles. They're going to want to know insurance details and he'll want to research.'

'What about B?' The brunette slayer asked, her brow furrowing. 'She deserves to know.'

'Deserves to know what? That the man she loves and who she's mourned for the last year is alive but could possibly still die again? Oh, and has no clue who he is?' Xander shook his head. 'No. I want to make sure he's going to get better, see if he regains his memory. It'll hurt her more to get him back and then lose him again. She deserves a Spike that is whole.'

'She deserves the truth, Xander.' Faith grumbled and then held her hands up at his stare. 'Fine. I get it. Buffy's own good. Seems to me you guys do that to her a lot.'

'No. This is different. I'm not trying to keep her away from him. I'd just…look, me and Spike? We were never bosom buddies yeah? So I guess, if I'm here and I help in some way, if I can see him getting better and…'

'You feel like this is going to make amends for being utterly crappy to him in the past?' Faith asked, raising an eyebrow and leaning back in her chair. Xander ran a frustrated hand through his hair.

'I don't know! Maybe?' He flopped into a chair opposite the dark slayer and sighed. 'But he needs someone familiar around. I'll ring Giles. See what he thinks.' _Although he was never Spike's number one fan. And he never approved of Buffy's involvement with him. But it's different now. He's human. Surely Giles isn't that cold?_ He looked at Faith. 'I just hope I'm doing the right thing.'

* * *

**A/N:** Okay, I'm getting this underway. I hope my medical bits were okay, I'm drawing on a lot of watching ER reruns to get this right lol! Hopefully will have the next chapter up in a couple of days!


	3. Decisions

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing of the characters.

**A/N:** None of my fics are beta'd, just thought I'd let you know, so if there are any typos or spelling errors, please forgive me. I do try my best but even the best writer is fallible. I also know very little about the Hollywood Presbyterian Medical Centre past what I have read on their website. So I'm pretty much inventing the inside of the hospital here! This story was originally in the Xander/Spike section but I moved it over here as I will take it to Spuffy eventually, it's just focusing on the Spander friendship to start off with.

* * *

**Decisions**

* * *

Xander didn't ring Giles. He knew he should have, knew the Watcher would be less than impressed with him charging ahead in this situation. But he couldn't bring himself to dial even the international code for England. He'd stared at that phone forever before making his decision. Whatever had happened here, it had happened for a reason. Xander was here, and he'd found Spike. It wasn't a coincidence. This was his mission.

His first step was going to visit the ex-vampire at the hospital. See if he could find out anymore. On one hand, he was hoping that Spike was still unconscious, or if he was awake, unable to remember anything. It was hard to keep up pretences if the patient told everyone he was lying. But then, if he _did_ remember…it'd make the job of finding out what happened to him a lot easier.

Things didn't usually take the easy path with Xander Harris.

Thankfully, the harder things were always made that little bit simpler by the presence of Willow Rosenburg. She was sat in the car next to him, thumbing through some magical tome, looking for a reason for this occurrence. Xander didn't care what she found, he only cared that she was here to go through this with him. His life saver, ever since they were little kids. And today was no different from fifteen years ago. If this was a comic book, she'd be a super hero in a dashing cape and mask.

As it was, she was a super powerful witch. With some of the darkest bags under her eyes he'd seen since he looked in the mirror this morning. They were both sleep deprived but anxious to find out what in the hell was going on.

He pulled the car into the hospital parking lot and found a space quickly. As the engine jittered to a stop he looked over at his best friend.

'Do you think they'll mind you coming in with me today? He was pretty messed up and I don't know if he'll respond to me alone. Might take a woman's touch?' He asked, and Willow looked up from the book, her mouth set in a thin line as she shut the volume and placed it in her bag.

'It depends, Xan. You told them he was your family, not mine. If he's in ICU, it's unlikely they'll let non-family in.' It wasn't the answer he was hoping for, but he replied with a grunt and climbed out of the vehicle, waiting for Willow to exit before he locked it. They walked into the hospital in silence, his mind racing with the questions of how this had occurred. He could only hope Spike was awake and willing to talk.

They reached the admissions desk and asked to find William Harris. The receptionist smiled politely and pointed them towards the intensive care unit. Which probably meant he was going about this alone. Sending the unimaginative guy in to make up a history for someone who had a very bloody past behind him. He sighed heavily. This sucked. The red head beside him took his hand and squeezed it in reassurance as they headed for the elevator and went up to the fourth floor. The hospital was quiet as they left the ER level, which was typical of an inner city hospital. As the doors opened on fourth, the overwhelming smell of ammonia assaulted Xander's nostrils. He hated the smell of hospitals, the starkness of white and grey walls. He didn't hate them as much as a certain Slayer, but he'd spent more than his fair share in these places. As if on cue, his eye socket began to itch underneath his patch and he frowned. He knew how horrible it was to be in this place, ergo he'd suck it up for the sake of the guy he hated.

That made perfect sense.

The ICU admin desk was staffed by a portly lady, who in the process of stuffing an oversized bagel into her mouth. Salad cream dribbled out of the side and down her chin in a manner than made Xander feel even more sick than he did before. Willow grimaced and cleared her throat. The large woman wiped her mouth on the back of her sleeve, placed the bagel on the plate as if it were made of delicate crystal and then turned to them, smiling a fake smile which showed rows of chemically white teeth. Her chins wobbled as she tossed her head. 'Can I help you?'

'We're here to see William Harris.' Xander said gruffly. This woman reminded him of his Cousin Carol. Falsely pleasant and happy with a big pile of doughnuts. She bent her head for a second and tapped away on the keyboard attached to her computer monitor.

'Ah, yes. He's down the hall and to the left. Room 6-4. Doctor Johnson is in with him at the moment, he got moved here about three hours ago. Are you family?'

'His brother.' Xander replied and the large lady looked at Willow expectantly.

'I'm a friend.' She said brightly. The woman's brow shifted in displeasure and she smiled again, the falseness of it making her appear even uglier.

'You'll have to wait in the waiting room I'm afraid.' She motioned to a door to their right, with the words "Waiting Room" emblazoned across the front, and Xander's heart sunk. He really didn't want to face this alone. Willow looked at him hopelessly and stroked his arm in reassurance.

'You'll be okay, Xand. I'll be right out here if you need anything okay?' She moved past him, throwing the admin woman a dirty look, but she'd already returned to her bagel with no interest in either of them anymore. Xander waited until Willow had entered the waiting room and then turned around, looking towards the ceiling and sighing loudly. The fat woman made an annoyed clicking noise, as if his inner turmoil was ruining her breakfast, and he took that as a cue to leave.

He counted the doors as he headed towards room 6-4. There didn't seem to be a specific numerical system here, at least, not one he understood, so he followed it closely, not wanting to get lost in a seeming maze of corridors. At last he spotted 6-3, and then 6-4. The door was open, and two white coated doctors and one blue scrubbed lady were in there. Spike was sat up, his eyes open. He was alert, even though the breathing tube was still firmly in place over his face and, Xander guess, down his throat too. Xander cleared his throat and knocked on the door gently, gaining the attention of the four occupants. He looked specifically at Spike, but saw no recognition.

'Ah, Mr Harris I presume. Dr Caldwell briefed me that you would be by. I'm Dr Johnson.' One of the doctors smiled at him, and offered a hand. 'I'm glad you are here. We were just about to extubate your brother.' He noticed the blank look on Xander's face and grinned slightly. 'We're going to take the tube out of his throat so he can breathe on his own. His progress overnight has been astounding, the wound is healing very nicely, we should have him on a regular ward before this evening. I wasn't expecting this level of recovery so quickly.' He turned back to his colleagues and said something that Xander could neither pronounce or understand. Then Dr Johnson turned his attention to Spike and smiled reassuringly.

'William, we are going to remove this tube. Can you take a deep breath and then exhale as I remove it?' He asked and Spike nodded in response. The doctor pulled the tape from the sides of the mask, and removed the external parts before taking a firm grasp of the tube. 'Take a breath.' He waited for Spike to breath in. 'And…release.' As Spike exhaled, Dr Johnson pulled the tube from his throat, resulting in Spike gagging and choking as his throat was finally cleared of obstruction. He took a few deep ragged breaths and then looked up at the people standing over him.

'Where am I?' He rasped, looking around the room in confusion. Dr Johnson motioned to the other two medical personal, who left, presumably because they were done in the room and Xander watched as they shut the door and gave the three remaining men some privacy. Dr Johnson reached over and picked up a cup of ice chips and passed them to Spike, who took them and stared at them for a moment. 'Where am I?' He repeated. Xander noted that his accent remained, although not as rough as he remembered.

'You were in an accident, William. Do you remember anything?'

Spike stared at the ice chips some more. 'I…fire. I remember fire. And it hurt…but nothing else. Is that my name? William?' He asked, looking to either man for confirmation. Dr Johnson smiled and motioned towards Xander.

'Your name is William Harris. This man is your brother, Xander Harris. He found you after he received a call that a man matching his missing brother's description was brought here.'

'You still haven't told me where "here" is.' Spike looked a bit peeved off. Xander couldn't blame him. Not knowing anything about yourself much be pretty frustrating. He moved round to the other side of the bed. The doctor began to explain what had happened so far.

'This is The Hollywood Presbyterian Medical Centre. You were brought in couple of days ago in a severe condition, which deteriorated rapidly. You underwent surgery yesterday for damage to your internal organs but you seem to be healing exceptionally well. You haven't shown any sign of a head wound, so we cannot explain your memory loss. However, once you are suitably recovered, we'll make arrangement to move you over to Gateways; they have a mental health specialist centre over there that will be more helpful to you.'

'I'm not crazy.' Spike said, with something akin to a pout on his face. 'Just…don't know who I am is all.'

'And they have amnesia specialists over there. As it appears you do not recall anything about the incident which brought you here.'

'Where did they find him?' Xander piped up suddenly, realising that he didn't know. 'No one told me anything except that he was in an alley and nearly dead.' The doctor shrugged.

'I'm afraid I don't know. The police will probably wish to speak to him at some point.' He looked at his watch and replaced Spike's chart on the end of the bed, smiling at the two men. 'I have other patients to see to. If you need anything, Betty on the admin desk will help you out. I'll be back in a couple of hours to check on your progress, William, and we'll discuss a transfer over to Gateways then.' He nodded and then left the room, leaving them in silence.

It took a few moments for Spike to look at Xander funny and purse his lips. 'So we're brothers.' Xander nodded. 'You don't sound British. I obviously am.'

Xander cleared his throat. 'We have different moms.' _Remember the story, remember the story._ 'Our dad left your mom in England and got with mine. He took off again soon after I was born. I didn't know anything about you until about seven years ago. We didn't really get on but…we sorta got on better last year. Then you disappeared.' _Not too far from the truth I suppose._

'So your name is Xander and I'm William.' Spike sighed and looked back down at the cup of ice chips, which was rapidly melting in his hands.

'You prefer to be called Spike.' Xander said, scratching the back of his hand in an idle manner. Spike smirked.

'I'm not surprised.' Silence befell them again until Spike, who apparently even without his memory couldn't shut up for five minutes, grew more inquisitive. 'How did you lose your eye?'

'Crazy guy attacked me and poked it out with his thumb.' Xander stated matter-of-factly.

'Gruesome.' Spike made a face and then put the ice chips on the bedside table. 'So…how old am I? Can you tell me anything else about me? Might jog my memory.'

'You're 28.' _That's a random number for ya._ 'You used to bleach your hair but I'm guessing you haven't been able to do that much since you…disappeared.' _Disappeared, burned to death in the crater of my hometown….tomarto, tomayto._ 'You used to have this girlfriend, real morbid type. I dunno what happened to her, except you broke up. You like punk music, and you always used to wear this leather trenchcoat. And you smoked.' Xander thought real hard. He was trying to be careful about what he said and did not want to outright lie anymore than he had to. He wished Willow was here. 'Willow…she's a friend of mine and of yours, sort of. She's outside. She wanted to see you but they wouldn't let her in cause she's not family.'

'Oh. Okay.' Spike muttered, glancing towards the door.

'I'm sorry. I'm not much help. I guess…I didn't know what I was supposed to tell you. I don't know where you've been the last year. You weren't really an open book kinda guy.' Xander offered a lop sided grin and then remembered something else. 'You really like Jack Daniels. Or any type of booze I believe.' He hesitated. 'Before you disappeared…there was girl. My other friend. Buffy.' He waited for a reaction. Spike stared at him blankly.

'Yeah? What about her?'

Xander sighed. 'You guys were close. Real close.'

'Does she know I'm here?' Spike asked, but the tone in his voice expressed that he was only saying what he thought he was supposed to.

'No. The only person who knows other than me is Willow. Oh, and Faith.' He stopped. 'We weren't sure what to do. Cause we don't know what happened to you. And because you don't remember…you might find some things we do pretty weird.'

Spike nodded. 'Okay. I get that.' He sighed. 'So, am I going to have to go to this Gateways place? Or can we weasel me out of that? Have a feeling I won't enjoy being poked and prodded by mental types.' Xander smiled at the sandy haired man on the bed and nodded.

'I'm sure we can find a way.'

* * *

Willow looked up as Xander opened the door to the waiting room and smiled softly at her. He'd been gone an hour or so and had finally excused himself to use the bathroom when the nurse came in to check Spike's vitals. He took a seat opposite Willow and ran a hand over his face. She put down the book she had been reading and Xander caught sight of the title before she did.

'Memory spells?' He asked and Willow shrugged.

'I'm looking into everything. Be helpful if I could talk to him.' She said, looking towards the door and Betty behind it, who had been scoffing an éclair the last time Willow had poked her head out.

'Might be in some luck on that front. He's awake and coherent. Doesn't know what happened to him or where he's been the last year. I told him what I could without sounding like a crazy person. The doctor said he was healing really quickly, so I'm guessing there's a lot more going on here than we thought.' He scratched at his eye patch and the witch smiled. 'I'm not gonna leave him too long. He's kinda…no, he's a lot different. I mean, he's Spike but, not. It's very confusing. But the doctors talking about moving him over to Gateways.'

'The mental health centre?' Willow frowned. 'There was no head injury right?' Xander shook his head in confirmation. 'Then whatever is going on is most likely mystical. I mean, he's come back from the dead. I think that's our department, don't you?'

'Yeah, I thought you'd agree. I told him we'd try and get him discharged if the doctor said his injuries were healing okay. He doesn't want to go to Gateways. I think he's feeling how Buffy always used too in these places.'

'Have you called her?' Willow asked quietly, changing the subject. Xander looked down at his left shoe, not wanting to get into this subject but knowing if he looked up, his best friend would be wearing her resolve face. Her voice floated to him as he inspected the toe of his tan shoe. 'You need to tell her at some point. We're going to have to say something to Giles, he has more books than I do.'

'I know. I just don't know how to approach the subject. I ignored two texts from her this morning. She's going to know something is wrong if I don't reply soon but I don't know how to tell her Spike is alive. She was so…broken…Will, how…?' He trailed off and Willow moved over to sit beside him, leaning her head on his shoulder.

'We'll figure it out, Xan. Somehow. We always do right?'

* * *

**A/N: **Hope you all enjoyed it. I may treat you to another one to go with this one. Lemme know what you think.


	4. Memories

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing of the characters.

* * *

**Memories**

* * *

Willow fiddled with the phone wire as she listened to the charge list for international calls. Her eyes moved from the clock to the phone to Faith, who leant against the doorframe, her own watchful gaze floating over the currently empty lobby of the Hyperion. The girls were either asleep or out, some were at school. It was three in the afternoon, and Willow had been trying to catch Giles on the phone for the past hour. Xander was at the hospital, collecting his "brother". Spike was being discharged, much to the chagrin of the doctors, who wanted to keep him for more observation, mainly because they were so stunned by the rate of recovery the man had displayed.

He'd gone from someone at deaths door to almost fully healed and walking within 48 hours. Xander had spent most of the previous day with him, trying to jog his memory without appearing to be completely insane. They were waiting until they got him back to the hotel to immerse him in other things that might make his memory return. Pushing him too hard and too quickly could end up with him in the loony bin for real.

The phone line clicked and a weary sounding British voice answered gruffly and Willow felt very nervous all of a sudden.

'Giles?'

_'Willow! How are you my dear?'_ Giles' tone picked up and the butterflies in the witch's stomach started a frenzy of movement. Faith moved away from the doorframe, sitting down heavily in the seat opposite the red head.

'I-I'm fine Giles. I needed to talk to you. It's important.'

_'Ah, yes, sorry it's taken me so long to answer, I've been in and out of meetings all day. The New Council won't set itself up.'_

Willow nodded, then remembered he couldn't see her and she squeezed her eyes shut before taking a deep breath. 'We have a situation over here. It's not an urgent situation, at least we don't think so, not for the time being, but I thought you should know. We should have called sooner but we were worried, and then things got more complicated and we knew you'd be able to help more so I called and –'

_'Willow! Willow, you're babbling. Calm down.' _The witch took another deep breath and opened her eyes, feeling blood rush to her cheeks. She was nervous. Giles could react in so many different ways. _'Now tell me, short and concise, what the problem is.'_

'Spike's alive.'

Silence.

Giles didn't speak. She was fairly sure she could hear him cleaning his glasses. 'Giles?' She asked.

_'Alive? How long?'_

'We're not sure. Faith got a call about a guy in an alleyway, he was in the Emergency Room, nearly dead –'

_'He's hunting again?' _Giles' voice was full of concern now. Willow shook her head fiercely.

'No! No, _Spike_ was found in an alleyway and taken to the hospital. He was in a bad way, they had to perform surgery. He's _alive_, Giles, as in human. Heart beat and all. Xander found him after Faith got the call.' Willow waited for an outburst from the ex-librarian. None came. 'Giles?'

_'You say he's alive? Breathing, heart beating? How?'_

'We're not sure. He has no memory. He doesn't know who he is or what happened to him. He was in a bad way Giles.'

_'Has he said anything?'_

'No, we haven't told him too much. Not about the demony side of things anyway. Xander is just picking him up from the hospital now.'

_'Picking him up? How long have you known about this?'_

'Only two days.' Willow replied and she heard a clatter from the other side and a curse followed it.

_'Sorry, I dropped my cup. Two days? So he's been in hospital a while? Presumably the surgery would take time to recover from.'_

'No, he was in surgery the day before yesterday. It's not just the memory thing Giles, after the surgery he started to heal really quick. Quicker than a Slayer. This is why I called you.'

_'Dear Lord. Thank you Willow. I'm glad you called. I'll get started on it right away. I may need a few more details but we can run over those later.'_

'Giles?' Willow looked up, hearing the front doors in the lobby open. Faith stood, looking around and seeing Xander walking through the doors with a Spike on a crutch. He looked different, paler and longer hair, dressed in brown slacks and a blue sweater. His eyes were duller than they used to be, showing no sign of the life he was full of before. He struggled with the crutch over to the sofa in the middle of the lobby and sat down, looking around forlornly, not sure of his place in the world, let alone the building.

_'Yes, Willow?'_

'Xander doesn't think we should tell Buffy.' Faith's head whipped round, her eyes narrowing. She'd voiced her opinion on this several times. If she'd had Buffy's number, she'd probably have called herself, but despite the past two years of fighting together and on the same side, it had been made clear that she and Buffy would not be bosom buddies. 'I don't know what to do about it, I wondered what you thought.'

Giles was quiet for a moment, mulling it over. _'I do not think telling her right away would be constructive. It may do more damage than good. We'll see what we can find, and work on getting answers for now. We need to make sure that nothing untoward is going on here.'_

'Got it. I'll get working on what I can find out this end. I guess we should keep Angel out of this too huh?'

_'This is no business of Angel's. I'd prefer if he and that law firm stayed away from Spike and the Slayers.' _The grit and anger in Giles' voice was harsh and Willow winced a little as she agreed quietly. She waited for Giles to tell her the information and details he needed before he could start researching, and wrote them down, before saying her goodbyes and hanging up. Faith stood in front of her, arms crossed.

'You shouldn't keep this from B.' The dark slayer said, her eyes narrowed slits of mistrust.

'Giles doesn't think it would be constructive to tell her. She'd get upset, jump on a plane over here and just beat herself up if we can't do anything. If he stays like this? What kind of a life is that for her?'

'Shouldn't she have the right to decide?' Faith asked, following the witch as she left the office and walked into the lobby.

'She will. Just not right now.' Willow spat back, and then turned to Spike with a bright smile. 'Hey, Spike. How are you feeling?'

'Spiffy.' He replied. 'Got to go back to some clinic tomorrow to have this checked out.' He motioned to his ankle in the bright green cast. 'Although it feels fine, the cast is just awkward to walk with. I feel pretty good actually. Surely that's not right?' He raised a scarred eyebrow in Willow's direction. She noted the scar with interest and looked towards Xander, who grimaced and sat next to Spike.

'No. No it's not. But we can discuss that later.' Willow said, and then motioned to the slayer beside her. 'This is Faith. She kinda runs this place. There's a lot of other girls here, they'll come and go. Just ignore them for the most part and they won't bother you.' They hadn't worried about any of the Sunnydale Potentials recognising Spike, seeing as they'd all been sent out on missions to keep them occupied. Willow was hoping Spike's memories would return quickly and she could get him out of here.

'Yo.' Faith held a hand out and Spike smiled as he took it, shaking it firmly. Faith smiled back and Willow's eyes widened at the flirting. She nudged Faith who scowled at her. 'I got stuff to do. Catch you later, blondie.' She winked at the former vampire and he watched her leave, his eyes lingering appreciatively on her rear. Xander frowned at him and cleared his throat. Spike's head whipped round, his face a picture of innocence.

'What?' He asked, looking between the red head and the brunette.

'Nothing.' Xander shook his head, turning his attention to Willow. 'Did you get hold of Giles?'

'Yeah. He needs some more information. Did you take care of the insurance?'

'I put him on mine. I figure Giles will sort it.' The one eyed man shrugged, looking to Spike. 'I'm hungry, how about you?' The blonde nodded.

'I could go for a bite.' Xander ignored the phrasing.

'Cool. Willow?' The witch nodded.

'Whatever you guys are having. I've got books to check.' She turned and wandered away. 'I'll need to talk to you Spike, when you get back.' She didn't wait for a reply.

'Chinese?' Xander asked and Spike shrugged.

'You tell me. I don't know what I like, afterall.'

Xander nodded and headed for the front desk and pulled out a Chinese restaurant menu from the pile sat on the side. He thumbed through and then picked up the phone. 'Hi, can I have an order for delivery to the Hyperion Hotel. Er, 1481 Hyperion Avenue? Yeah that's the one. Can I have two number three's, a forty two, a thirty six, a seventy one and a fifty? That'd be great. Oh, and prawn crackers? Twenty-eight fifty? No problem. Thanks.' He hung up the phone and turned to Spike, who was looking more confused than before. 'It was a standard order back in Sunnydale. I'm fairly sure you liked egg rolls. You used to dip them in…' He stopped abruptly and Spike frowned.

'You do that a lot.'

'What?' Xander asked innocently. The blonde's frown turned into a scowl.

'You cut off in the middle of sentences. As if there's something you're hiding from me. What is it? Something to do with this Sunnydale place? You said it collapsed right?'

Xander swallowed hard and nodded. 'There's a lot of stuff…we weren't sure you were ready for. We'll wait for Willow to come back, and we'll have some food and I promise, I'll answer all your questions okay? We're not going to hide anything from you. We just didn't want you to end up in a nuthouse.'

Spike eyed him warily and then nodded slowly.

He wanted the truth. And he wanted it now.

* * *

The redhead sat back in her chair and groaned. 'I've eaten way too much.'

'Tell me about it.' Xander said, watching as Spike shoved yet another egg roll into his mouth and chewed happily. 'I think we can ascertain Spike remembers Chinese food and how much he liked it.'

'Ambrosia,' the ex-vamp declared, smacking his lips together. He wiped his mouth with a napkin and then stretched, looking down at the cast on his ankle in annoyance. 'This thing is really pissing me off. And it's making my leg itchy.' His brow furrowed and he reached down, ripping the cast in half with one movement. Willow and Xander looked on in shock as he held up the two pieces, his own face a picture of confusion as he looked between the two halves. 'I was going to try and scratch it with my chopsticks! I didn't….how….' He looked up at his two companions. 'Answers now. This is weird. I've got ridiculous strength, I've miraculously healed from life threatening injuries in hours and I'm starting to think that we're not related at all!' He pointed one of the cast halves at Xander.

The witch and the carpenter swallowed hard and Xander nodded. 'Okay. I promised you answers.'

'Damn straight.' Spike dropped the cast pieces to the floor and folded his arms, waiting for them to start.

'You're right. We're not brothers. We aren't really even friends.'

'That's rich.' Spike said, glaring. 'Is my name even Spike, or William, or whatever?' Willow held her hands up.

'Hey, yeah it is. You've always been Spike to us. We have known you about seven years. And me and you are friends. Sort of. Not close friends, in fact, you've tried to kill me a couple of times,' Spike looked alarmed, 'but we got past that! You were a good guy.'

'A good guy?' Spike snorted. 'What was I before, a super villain?'

'Try a vampire.' Faith said from the doorway, her arms folded across her chest. Spike turned his head, taking in the newcomer and stood, easily walking on the previously broken ankle. Faith glanced at it and then dismissed it.

'A vampire?' He scoffed. 'Vampires aren't real.'

'Oh they're real.' Faith said, walking towards him. 'Willow is a witch and I'm a slayer. All my girls are Slayers. And you were William The Bloody, a notorious vampire turned champion. You saved the world by burning up in the Hellmouth, blondie.' She was almost toe to toe with him, a small part of her enjoying the conflict on his face. He scrunched his nose up, turning to face the other two.

'Are you lot off you're rockers?'

'How else do you explain the fast healing? The strength? We need to work out what is going on here.' Willow said matter-of-factly. Spike shook his head, reached a hand up as his nose began to bleed.

'This is nuts.' He said, wiping the blood away from his face and looking at it in shock. 'I liked…egg rolls…dipped in blood.' He looked up at Xander. 'That was what you were going to say earlier.' The half-blind carpenter was about to reply when Spike's eyes rolled up in his head and he hit the floor, too late for Faith to catch him.

* * *

He opened his eyes slowly to find Xander sat beside him. He was laying on a very comfy bed, the room lit only by a small lamp beside him. His head hurt and his nose felt a bit crusty, probably from where it had bled before. His body felt remarkable though. He looked over to see Xander was apparently playing a game on his cell. When he saw Spike was awake, he put the phone away.

'Thought we lost you for a minute there. Any brainwaves?'

Spike thought for a moment and then shook his head in frustration. 'I remember what the girl – Faith?' Xander nodded. 'I remember what she said. About vampires. That I was one. It's…it's a lot to take in. How do we go about finding out what happened to me?' He asked, pulling himself up into a sitting position.

'Willow and Giles are on it.'

'Giles. The British guy you know?'

'There's only two of you.' Xander smiled. 'They'll figure it out.'

Spike nodded, looking around. 'Where's Dawn?' He asked and Xander's eye nearly popped out of its socket.

'Huh?'

'Where's Dawn?' Spike asked, then got confused as Xander sputtered a little. 'Who _is_ Dawn?'


	5. Olive Branches

**Disclaimer: **I own nothing of the characters.

**A/N: **I was trying to utilize the four character selection feature that Fanfiction has just implemented but I can't get it to work properly for me. So this story will be staying in the Buffy/Spike category for now, although if I can change it so it is searchable by Xander/Spike or Buffy/Spike, I will.

* * *

**Olive Branches**

* * *

'So, let me get this straight.' Spike sighed. 'I turned up at your school, hit you over the head with something heavy and then kidnapped you and your friend, Willow – the red head? – and then tied you up in a burnt out factory so she would do a love spell for me to get my girlfriend, Drusilla, back?' He raised an eyebrow, clearly thinking the story was beyond believable. Xander nodded his head, a small curl on the side of his mouth. Spike shook his head. 'So, I'm basically an idiot?'

Xander laughed heartily at Spike's interpretation of himself. He could honestly say it was the first true laugh he had expressed in a year. And to think, it was Spike and his weird situation that had caused his mirth.

Would probably do him good not to think about that for too long, lest his brain implode.

'It's still hard to believe this is all real. I was a bleached blonde punk vampire, notorious for a hundred years and then I come to your hometown, cause havoc, get "neutered" as you so tactfully put it, and fall in love with your best friend.' He shook his head again. 'Funny thing is, I find it hard to believe that after all this, you're the one helping me. I'm gathering from my sordid past that I was not one of your favourite people.'

'You weren't exactly "people" to be fair, Spike.' Xander said, leaning forward.

'No but…from what you've said, I'm still me, just minus the memories.' Spike looked at his hands. 'And these hands still caused so much suffering and death. I feel sick just thinking about it. Fair enough, I got a soul and all that other crap you said. But I just want to know; why me? Why have I been given a second chance? Not that death is oh-so-appealing, but you get my drift right? Why am I being helped by people that I've put through the mill?'

Xander sighed heavily and rubbed a hand over his face. Then he looked Spike dead in the eyes, seeing the emotions rolling through those stormy depths.

'Way I see it, we've had our differences. I've never liked you, Spike,' He felt bad for saying it, but now was the time for honesty and Spike didn't react to what he said, 'and I've had more injuries at your hands than I care to think about. But I watched you change; I saw everything you went through. And you died to save the world all for the love of my best friends. She told me how you helped her believe in herself again, even when we wouldn't. So yeah, I hate the guy you were. But the guy you became? We could get on. The guy you can still become? I figure he deserves the chance of a friend. No one deserves to be alone in this world. I've learnt that the hard way.'

Silence fell after his impassioned speech and Xander leant back in his chair, feeling slightly drained after letting it out there. Spike's mouth formed into a thin line as he contemplated Xander's words, and then he looked at the one-eyed brunette.

'I have a feeling you're a better man than I was.' He said, a smile pulling at the side of his mouth. Xander grinned in return.

'You weren't a man. But you're on your way now.'

* * *

Buffy pulled the blinds shut, closing out the failing evening light from her apartment living room. She turned and tripped over Dawn's schoolbag, scowling at it and picking it up with one finger before tossing it into an armchair. The troublesome owner of the bag was currently in the shower, singing away to her. _Sounds like she's been listening to that damn Beach Boys album again._ The Slayer shook her head and promptly threw herself on the sofa and exhaled deeply as she fumbled in her jeans pocket for her cell. She pulled it out and flipped it open, frowning at the lack of messages. She couldn't deny she was getting concerned about Xander. And the niggling feeling that had been tickling her brain all day was _not_ making things better.

The shower shut off and Dawn wandered into the room, enrobed in a fluffy dressing gown and rubbing her hair dry with a towel. She was still humming, but stopped abruptly at the sight of Buffy, startled by her sisters appearance.

'I thought you weren't home until later?' Dawn asked, and Buffy turned to her with a bemused expression.

'Nah. Got bored, came home early.'

'Paolo not doing it for you?' Dawn winked, taking a seat next to Buffy.

Her sister raised an eyebrow and grinned a little. 'Paolo never _did_ _it_ for me, Dawn. We were just friends. Not for lack of trying on his part. I'm just still…not ready.'

Dawn smiled gently. 'I know. I'm just teasing. Still, he did have impeccable taste in shoes.'

Buffy nodded enthusiastically. 'Yeah. But those Manolo Blahniks were not the best thing to patrol in.'

'But still,' Dawn bent her head in that way that reminded Buffy of…no, she wasn't going there, 'free shoes, Buffy.' Her elder smiled tightly, ignoring the tears that were threatening to rear up and nodded again.

'Yes, free shoes.' The brunette Summers noticed the mood dip and frowned.

'Buffy, you seem kinda funked. What's wrong?'

Buffy chewed her bottom lip and looked at her cell again. 'Xander hasn't called. We usually talk every day, but the last three days, I've not had more than a text saying "I'm okay" from him. It worries me. He was going back to Sunnydale, to…' She stopped, swallowing back tears again. 'It's been a year. It was the anniversary a couple days ago. Xander went for Anya. He wanted me to go to, but I couldn't handle it.'

'No one blames you for that Buffy.' Dawn said, taking her sister's hand. 'I miss him too. I don't think I could go back.'

'Xander said he'd call me. That he'd be back in London soon. That was three days ago. And I can't shake this feeling that something is wrong. Willow hasn't been returning my calls and Giles is being…weird.'

'Weird?'

'Evasive.' Buffy clarified. Dawn nodded and they sat in silence for a moment.

'I know you don't want to speak to him, but maybe you should call Angel. He's in LA, he could find out if Xander is still there?' Buffy frowned and chewed her lip, tapping her finger on her cell and then glaring at it.

'I guess. Xander did say he was checking in with Faith and her slayers, and they set up camp at Angel's old hotel. As long his evil company doesn't cause trouble…sure. I guess I can give him a call. At the very least, he can make sure Xander hasn't been eaten by something ishy.'

'Or lost his phone.' Dawn smiled, rubbing her sister's shoulder encouragingly. 'I'm sure everything is okay, Buffy. He's probably just taken this anniversary thing hard.'

Buffy smiled a little and nodded. 'You're probably right, Dawnie. You're probably right.'

* * *

'You sure you're up to this, Blondie?' Faith asked, circling the topless ex-vamp as he grinned.

'Why not? Like to see how far this whole thing goes. I'm not great with the idea of fighting a lady-'

Faith interrupted and smirked back at him. 'I'm no lady.'

'-Girl then.' Spike returned, bouncing on the balls of his feet. Xander and Willow observed from the side lines, the witch commenting on how like normal Spike he was, even without memories of the past. They decided to test out his boundaries, now that his injuries were mostly fully healed. Willow had surmised that he had superior healing abilities, although his wrist was still in a support bandage and he had complained of some tenderness in his ankle still. They'd decided not to take him back to the fracture clinic lest they ask any questions as to how his broken ankle had healed in two days. Faith had removed it with a knife and Spike had promptly asked if they could take him for a test drive. Faith had been more than willing to get her hands on him. The thought made Willow wrinkle her nose.

'Give me your best shot, blondie.' The slayer darted towards him and popped him in the nose and his head snapped backwards. When he looked back down, a slight trickle of blood was oozing from his face but he was laughing all the way up to his eyes. It became clear to both Willow and Xander than these two had no interest in going easy on each other.

'Let's just remember this is a test, yeah?' Xander called. 'We don't need anyone dead. Again.'

Spike threw him a grin and then weaved behind Faith and planted his foot in her lower spine, sending her tumbling. She tucked and rolled, coming back up on her feet, a smile gracing her features as she somersaulted over her opponent and sent a sharp kick to his head. He grabbed her legs in mid-air and slammed her to the mat, earning a grunt from the brunette who snaked her hands around his neck and threw him over her head and straight into a concrete pillar. A fine covering of dust shimmered from the basement ceiling, coating the bare chested vampire as he got to his feet, laughing wildly.

'He's definitely still got the Spike personality and style.' Willow commented, her eyes never leaving the blonde's form.

The four were so engrossed in the fight, they never heard the lobby doors open or the heavy footfalls across the front of the hotel. They didn't hear the indignant yelp of a younger slayer, followed by a "Hey!" from another. They didn't even notice the basement door open.

They finally caught on when Spike was tackled to the ground by a blur of leather. His yell of surprise was followed up by a swift kick and a punch to his new opponent, as Faith tried to drag his assailant off of him. Eventually she was able to restrain the angry party and both spectators blinked in surprise at the furious countenance of Angel as he struggled against the slayer's grip.

'Let me go Faith, he's dangerous. He was attacking you!'

'We were sparring!' Faith yelled back, just audible over Spike's angered voice.

'Who the bloody hell are you?' He was rubbing his jaw where Angel had landed a solid punch.

Angel stopped struggling, confused by the lack of recognition in Spike's eyes. Faith let him go as he cocked his head to the side, sniffing the air slightly.

'You're…you're not a vampire.'

'Not anymore.' Willow stepped forward, and Angel seemed to notice her and Xander for the first time.

'Xander.' Angel said. 'Buffy asked me to check you were okay. She was worried.'

'I'm fine Angel. I meant to ring her, I just got caught up.' He looked at Spike who was grinning.

'_You're Angel_?' Spike said, a hint of mirth in his voice. He looked at Xander. 'Yeah, I see what you mean!' He chuckled and retrieved his shirt.

'What's going on here?' Angel asked, a slight tone of annoyance returning to his speech. 'Why doesn't he know who I am?'

'He doesn't remember anything.' Willow explained. 'Xander found him in a hospital. He was badly injured and a little bit out of it. But he healed really quickly so we brought him back here to help him. He's human now.'

'Been told everything though mate. I know I was a vampire. Know the things I did.'

'Buffy doesn't-'

'Buffy doesn't know a thing. Giles thinks we should wait until we've figured this out to tell her.' Xander said, catching the dirty look on Faith's face. Angel nodded, his gaze flitting back to his former Childe.

'That's probably for the best.'

'I can't believe you people!' Faith nearly shouted, throwing her hands up in the air. 'Doesn't B deserve to make that decision herself? What about Spike ay? Doesn't he deserve to make the choice whether he wants her here or not?' She looked towards the ex-vampire expectantly and he held his hands up in surrender.

'I don't remember the girl. They know her better than me.' He was lying. Even the slightest mention of her name was sending a twinge through his gut, but he didn't recognise it well enough to mistrust the people who were her friends and remembered being so.

'Bull. You knew her better than any of these.' Faith spat, glaring at Angel as if daring him to challenge. 'She told me so. I've a mind to get her phone number and tell her exactly what you're all hiding from her.'

'It wouldn't do her any good to be taunted by this! Faith, it'd tear her up knowing he was here but not entirely here.' Willow said, not noticing the uncomfortable look on Xander's face. He'd been funny about keeping it from Buffy all along, not liking lying to her again. He never liked it when he was lied to, or when the truth was omitted. But he could see the sense in both arguments. He waited as his best friend put on her resolve face, prompting Faith to flip her the bird and storm out of the basement, slamming the door on the way.

'So we're still not telling Buffy right?' Angel asked, his features carefully composed as he eyed Spike. 'She'd only come running. Maybe it's best to wait until he's better?'

'I'm leaving it up to you lot. What am I supposed to say; "Hi love, I've been told I love you but don't remember a bloody thing about it."' Spike looked at Angel. 'I say go with his plan.'

'You sure that's Spike?' Angel asked, inclining his head toward the blonde. Xander grinned, scratching at the edge of his eye patch. He stretched and looked to Willow.

'I'm guessing we're done with the sparring for the day?' He asked and Willow nodded.

'I think we've ascertained that he has superior abilities. He held his own against Angel well enough. And he's healed all those injuries in two days.' Willow sighed. 'I'll tell Giles. What are you going to tell Buffy?' She asked Angel.

'I'll tell her that Xander is fine and dandy. Maybe you should call her though?' He asked Xander, who nodded in response before leaving the basement. Willow smiled in their direction and then left the vampire and his former protégé alone. Spike eyed up the vampire and raised an eyebrow.

'So, word on the street is you know a fair bit about me?' He sat down on a crate in the corner. 'Fancy filling an ex-vampire in?'


	6. Nightmares

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything.

**A/N: **Feedback would be greatly appreciated; I want to know if I'm hitting the right tone with this story.

* * *

**Nightmares**

* * *

He tossed and turned in the large bed, sweat beading on his forehead as blood ran rampant through his dreams. A strained whimper escaped his throat as he found he couldn't escape the terror in his head.

_He was chasing a figure down an alleyway, his footsteps silent on the wet ground. He jumped over a dumpster and grabbed a fire escape, flipping his body lightly through the air as he landed gracefully in front of his prey, grinning at her. His victim yelped and slipped, breaking a heel of her expensive looking shoes and landing on her backside in a puddle, her glamorous dress ruined by the fall. She'd scraped her arm somewhere along the way and he allowed the heady scent of her blood to curl around him and invade his senses._

_The girl shrieked as he bent down, running a cold digit up her bare leg. She shivered and tears ran down her face. He smirked widely, a grotesque image on his twisted features. Licking a fang, he savoured the smell of her fear adding to the delicious aroma of her blood. It made his entire body scream in hunger and his hand gripped her leg, pulling her to him. She squealed and kicked out, twisting onto her stomach in the puddle in an effort to get away from him. He pulled her towards him, strong hands pulling her closer. She was crying in earnest now as he pinned her to the floor, running his left hand up her back and pulling her hair to the side._

_Seconds later, her warm blood was sliding down his throat and her struggles lessened as he drained her life away. He exhaled deeply through his nose as he drank the last few drops of her life, dropped her head into the puddle as she died under his fangs. Then he stood up and adjusted his jeans, wiping the blood from his mouth and sparing her a cursory glance as he stepped over the body._

_A voice from the end of the alleyway made him smile as he approached._

'_My William…what a beautiful mess you've made.'_

Spike bolted upright with a yell, breathing heavily and feeling sick to his stomach. He looked around, taking in his surroundings, sighing in relief as he saw he was still in the hotel room, a soft lamplight bathing the room around him. He wasn't in an alleyway, the culprit for a particularly brutal murder. And that woman…she must be Drusilla.

Why in the hell he'd asked Angel to tell him more about his past, he'd never know. All it had done was create more questions and give him a hell of a nightmare. He was too worried to go back to sleep now. A walk seemed more in order. The hotel was pretty big. He could probably have a wander without disturbing anyone.

He pulled on his jeans and a shirt and headed for the door, slipping out quietly. A quick look around the lowly lit corridor confirmed it was silent. He didn't know what the time was – there was no clock in his room. There was clock in the lobby, and whilst he'd hazard a guess that it was around three or four in the morning, he wanted to be sure. He only guessed it was that late as there were no slayers wandering around. There was a chance that Faith would be downstairs, but he didn't mind the attractive brunette.

An uncomfortable knot formed in his stomach as Buffy's name floated through his subconscious. From everything Xander had told him, he knew he had loved the girl enough to die for her. And the feeling he got whenever he thought of her name reinforced the information that he had been given. He'd seen pictures and knew it would take a very strong man not to love this woman.

He just wished that he could remember the moments with her. That he could put it straight in his mind.

The ongoing argument between Faith and the others about telling Buffy he was alive did not help. He didn't know what to do about it. He had sensed the vibe from Angel that his and Buffy's relationship had not impressed many people and given his past, he couldn't blame them. But surely she was grown up enough to make her own decisions. Saving the world on a nightly basis must give you some sense of responsibility for your own life surely?

He shook his head and tiptoed along the corridor and down the two flights of stairs to the lobby. It was silent down here too, and he clocked the time as 03:45am. He headed for the kitchen and fixed himself a glass of milk, before heading to the garden. It was cool and crisp outside in the LA night, and he found a bench and sat down, sipping at his milk whilst admiring the jasmine blooming beside him. It filled the air with a delicious scent, but for some reason he longed to smell vanilla.

'Couldn't sleep?' A voice made him jumped and he spilt cold milk in his lap, making his jeans cling to his legs uncomfortably. He frowned and looked over at the smirking source of the voice; Xander stood in the shadows of a tree. He stepped forward and took a seat next to the other as he cleaned up the mess. When he'd wiped off his jeans, he ran a hand through his dark blonde locks.

'No. Nightmares.'

'Yeah. I don't sleep much anymore. Dream of…_her_ too much.'

'What was she like?' Spike asked, sipping at the milk again. 'You mentioned her a couple of times but you never said what she was like.'

Xander was silent for a moment, but not uncomfortably so; a small smile graced his lips. 'She was beautiful. Sometimes blonde, sometimes brown, sometimes a red head and sometimes a demon. But always beautiful. She was very forward, she never really had much in the way of tact. But to be honest, every time she said something in public that she probably should have kept to herself, well, I just loved her all the more. She made me laugh. She lit something inside me that I thought could never come back to life.'

'She sounds like quite the lady.'

'You thought so too at one point.' Xander chuckled. 'I was so angry at the time. But truthfully, I can understand how you couldn't resist her. And in a totally non-gay way, I can see how she couldn't resist you. I can admit you were aesthetically pleasing. Man to man of course.' Spike looked bewildered.

'Me and…your girl?' He tutted. 'I was a dick.'

'You were drunk and hurting. I did worse to her. Left her at the altar. Never did make it up to her.' Xander felt a familiar pain in his chest, the pain of a thousand regrets he had where it came to the former vengeance demon. 'She was so full of life. Her smile could light up a room. She loved such odd things. She was big into capitalism. And terrified of bunnies.' He sighed again. _Doing that a lot lately. _'I miss her so much.' He whispered, feeling a tear leak from his empty eye socket. Spike cleared his throat, feeling uncomfortable. Then, to Xander's surprise, he felt a hand pat him gently on the back.

'For what it's worth, mate, I'm sorry.' He removed his hand as Xander smiled softly. 'I wish I could remember more of what I'm sorry for. But I am.'

'Thanks Spike. Surprisingly…it means a lot.'

Neither of them spoke again.

* * *

The punching bag was the only outlet he could find to take his frustration out on. Faith had gone out on a scouting mission, and Xander had gone to do some grocery shopping with Willow and a couple of the younger girls. The other slayers avoided him like the plague and as far as he could tell, Angel was busy working at an evil law firm. Which confused him. But he wasn't going to overload his brain with any more information that necessary.

It was frustrating him a lot, knowing that he could accept all he'd been told so readily but not remember it clearly himself. The nightmares had continued when he'd attempted to get more rest after his chat with Xander. He'd dreamt of another girl; this one actually fought him back. She'd had an afro and a gorgeous leather coat that he'd eventually stripped off of her dead carcass after breaking her neck.

He shuddered at the memory of it. And then punched the bag harder.

Willow had been working spells on him all morning and she'd eventually hit a brick wall. Nothing mystical was holding his memories back, and during a phone call with Giles, she'd decided that the only thing holding his memories back was him and he'd only remember when he truly wanted to remember.

Problem was, with the nightmares and Angel's glaringly unedited version of pre-good Spike, he didn't think he'd _ever_ truly want to remember who he had been.

Except…he wanted to remember Buffy. He wanted to remember the emotion and reasons why every time he pictured her face or thought her name, his stomach tied up into a thousand knots and butterflies. He was planning on asking Xander more about their relationship later on, but was nervous about asking after finding out exactly how much of a dick he'd been to the brunette over the years.

It wasn't like Xander hadn't explained that they'd done just as bad to him. The one eyed man had admitted that he had treated Spike in a less than charming fashion over the years, but the fact that he could wipe everything they had done to each other out of his mind to help the former vampire gave Spike no end of admiration for the man. He still couldn't quite fathom it.

He punched the bag once more and then grabbed it to hold it still, leaning his head against it. He sighed, feeling his stomach growling and telling him he was hungry. He pushed off of the bag and wiped his brow, bending to pick up his t-shirt. As he put it on, the sweat he'd worked up saturated it and he rolled his eyes in annoyance. He'd have to locate a clean shirt and a shower soon.

As he headed up the stairs to the lobby, the front doors opened and Willow trudged in, followed by two young slayers, their arms all full of brown grocery bags. Xander followed a few seconds later, his solitary eye looking wearily ahead. Spike nodded at him and then noticed the two girls had stopped chattering and were staring open mouthed at him. Willow giggled as Spike frowned.

'What?'

'Nice pecs.' One of the girls whispered hoarsely and he looked down, seeing that the sweat had made his white t-shirt practically see-through and his abdomen and all its minute details were on public display. He groaned and bolted for the stairs, leaving an amused Xander and three giggling women behind him.

Thirty minutes later he came downstairs with a black t-shirt on and freshly showered. The girls had disappeared but he could hear the sound of training in the basement and so decided that would off limits for the rest of the day. Willow was resting on the front desk and she smiled as he approached.

'You hungry?' She asked and he nodded. 'Xander is in the kitchen. I spoke to Giles again.' Spike paused, waiting for her to continue. She smiled that little shy smile of hers at him. 'He said he couldn't find anything to do with your resurrection in any prophecies. Said maybe it was just your reward for what you did. That the Powers maybe decided you needed another chance. It's definitely not the Shanshu, the one Angel was concerned about.' Spike had no idea what the Shanshu was and didn't really care either. 'So it looks like you're off the mystical hook. It's just a case of wait and see.'

'Thanks Red.' He smiled and walked off, not noticing the shocked look on Willow's face. She'd never told him his nickname for her.

Xander was busy stuffing a large turkey when he walked into the kitchen. He glanced up when Spike walked in and offered a smile of a greeting.

'You okay mate?' Spike looked down at the turkey and the fight the other man was apparently engaged in. 'Should you be doing that with an altered depth perception?'

'I got used to it. This turkey may possibly be evil.' Xander replied, forcefully stuffing the turkey with a fistful of sage and sausage meat. Spike winced.

'I don't think it deserves that treatment even if it is evil.' He said, moving to the fridge and grabbing the carton of orange juice in the side door. He grabbed a glass and poured himself a glass, sipping from it and pulling a face at the cold. 'So you're on dinner duty?'

'Yeah. You wanna give me a hand?' Xander asked, pointing to the vegetables lined up on the kitchen counter. 'Those need chopping.'

'No problem.' The former vampire put down his glass and moved over to the counter, grabbing a knife and setting to work. For a few moments there was only the sound of chopping and the mutilation of a dead turkey to be heard, until Spike stopped for a second. 'I don't know how to ask…could you tell me more? About Buffy? About us?'

Xander stopped and looked over at Spike. 'I guess I could. What did you want to know?'

Spike shrugged. 'Everything. Maybe something will jog my memory.' Xander nodded.

'Willow said that she'd spoken to Giles. A waiting game huh? That sucks.' He sighed and shoved another handful in the carcass before grunting in approval and washing his hands in the sink. 'I'm not sure where to start. You hated each other in the beginning. You were all "I'm gonna kill you" and she was all "Spike needs to die". Then after Angel went schizo, you and her made a truce to take him down. You weren't good, far from it. You were only doing it for Drusilla as far as I am aware.'

'My ex. Yeah. She's been in a few of my nightmares.' Spike took out his frustration on a carrot, sending a chunk flying across the counter and bouncing off the side of the fridge. He retrieved it as Xander chuckled.

'Yeah. The crazy one.' He paused for a second. 'Then you came back, drunk and that was the kidnapping incident I told you about before. Then you left, again, and when you came back it was with full intent to kill Buffy.'

'But I never succeeded.' Spike said, focusing on the vegetables he was massacring.

'You still tried to foil us at every turn. But if you ask me, you could never kill Buffy because you were too evenly matched. I guess it was inevitable you'd fall for her. Your relationship was always soured. We didn't help.' Xander grimaced. 'We didn't help at all. You did some stupid things, don't get me wrong. But the pinpoint of your change, that was when you protected Dawn. You got yourself tortured for her.'

'Glory.' Spike whispered, freezing with the knife in mid air.

'Huh?' Xander asked.

'Glory. I remember the name. I don't know anything else. Was she trouble?'

Xander nodded grimly. 'She was. Buffy died in the end.' Spike looked tormented by this. 'You stayed, fought by us all summer whilst she was gone. Protected Dawn. Protected all of us. And we were still jerks to you.' The brunette paused. 'I should have looked past my prejudice. You didn't have to stay. You never had to look after Dawn. But you did. All because you loved a dead woman. God, I was such a jerk!' He slammed his fist down and the tray he'd selected for the turkey bounced on the side. Spike jumped and slipped with the knife, cutting his finger. He hissed as blood dripped on the side, but the cut healed almost instantly, leaving pinkish skin in its wake.

The other man didn't notice, too wrapped up in his self-flagellation. 'When she came back…if only we'd noticed. If only we'd been better to you, to both of you. Expecting her to take everything up straight away, not giving her the support we knew she need. Maybe it would have turned out differently. You wouldn't have been driven to…' He stopped, wondering if he should divulge that particular incident.

'Driven to what?' Spike asked. Xander didn't reply. Spike put the knife down and turned to his companion. 'Driven to what, Xander? Don't keep it from me.'

'You and Buffy, things were violent between you. From what I understand, from what she's told me…you weren't entirely to blame. She said it herself that she'd given you so many mixed signals over the months you were together, it was as much her fault as it was yours.' He bit his lip.

'Xander. Tell. Me.' Spike ground out, clenching his fists together.

'You tried to…you nearly…but you didn't…' Xander couldn't force the words out. Two years before he would have told the vampire Spike straight, and told him exactly what he'd thought at the time. But now, after everything, after all the chats with Buffy, after seeing how Spike changed in that last year, he couldn't. But from the crushed look on Spike's face, he could tell the man got what he was trying to say. His mouth opened and shut, no words coming out, no words he could say in response. 'But that was what drove you to that final change. You got your soul for her. And whilst it took time to mend the rift between you, in the end, she loved you Spike. She told me herself. She still loves you now.'

'She shouldn't.' Spike whispered. 'Cos it seems to me that I'm still a monster.'

'Spike..' Xander reached out a hand to him, but the former vamp brushed it off and left the room. The one eyed brunette stood alone, wondering how in the hell he could fix this.


	7. Flood

**Disclaimer:** I don't own anything

**A/N: **This is the last chapter. This was never going to be a long fic, and I think I've explored everything I can in it. I've got a lot of ideas knocking around for the next fic, so for now, I hope you've enjoyed this one. Let me know what you think.

* * *

**Flood**

* * *

'I think we should tell Buffy.' Xander said as he sat at the front desk. Willow looked over at him and frowned. 'He hasn't come out of his room since I told him the truth. I think she needs to come here and tell him herself. Tell him that that is the past.' He looked up at the stairs. 'I feel bad for telling him but…I wasn't going to lie.'

'He asked you for the truth.' Willow said softly. 'I guess it can't hurt. And it would get Faith off-'

'Get Faith off what?' A voice came from the doorway, and both Willow and Xander turned guilty expressions to the door of the hotel, where an angry looking Buffy and Dawn stood with their arms folded. 'Off your backs for not telling me the truth?'

'Buffy…' Willow started. Her best friend's face softened.

'No. I understand why you guys didn't tell me. But I'm still hurt.' She stepped forward, picking up the suitcase at her feet. She moved forward to the front desk and put it down again. 'Got any spare rooms?'

'B!' Faith appeared from the office. 'Thought I heard your dulcet tones. How was the flight?'

'Too long.' Dawn huffed, following her sister to the desk. 'I'm beat. Where's Spike?' She asked and the four adults smiled at her forwardness.

'He's in his room. He…he hasn't come out in a while.' Xander said guiltily. Buffy narrowed her eyes.

'What did you do?' Faith held a hand up.

'Whoa, B. Xan's been nothing but a friend to the guy. You'd be proud. He's been a real hero.' The other slayer looked over at Willow. 'Look, let's get you two a couple rooms and then we'll see about coaxing blondie out of his bolt hole, yeah?' Willow took the cue and ushered the protesting Summers' sisters up the stairs to find a room. Faith turned to Xander who looked at her, trying to keep the accusation out of his eyes and failing miserably. She glared at him. 'I swiped your phone and told her. She deserved to know. And if it isn't mystical like Giles and Willow think, then it can't do any harm for her to be here. And after he found out the truth about his past with her, you're right, he needs to know she forgave him so he can begin to forgive himself.'

Xander sighed. 'Yeah. You're right. I should have called her right away.'

'Well you didn't. So I get to be golden girl for a while.' She huffed. 'Makes a damn change.'

The noise of someone clearing their throat came from the bottom of the stairs where a dishevelled looking Spike stood. His eyes were red rimmed and both the adults knew he'd been crying. Neither of them said anything, only offering him a soft smile. 'Sorry.' He said, his voice gruff. 'Heard a lot of noise and I got hungry. Any of that turkey you did for dinner left?'

Xander nodded. 'Yeah, I saved you a plate. Come on, we'll go heat it up.'

'It's okay. I remember how to use a microwave.' He moved towards the kitchen, aware of Faith and Xander's eyes following him. Faith's gaze was drawn back to the stairs as the blonde slayer walked down, her mouth agape at the retreated form of Spike and unshed tears glistened in her eyes.

He barely heard the soft call of his name, and he froze when he did. Slowly he turned and faced the woman stood on the stairs. For a second nothing happened.

Then Spike clutched his head and wailed in pain as he sank to his knees.

* * *

Buffy sat by his bedside, waiting for him to awaken. She'd sent Dawn to bed hours ago, and everyone else had left, except for Xander. He was steadfast in his determination to stay by Spike's side, his only explanation to Buffy being that they were friends. It had shocked her to the core, knowing that in Sunnydale, the two were anything but. She supposed that Xander had been the one to find Spike, the one who had filled him in and helped him back to recovery. Not that he had needed much help. Willow had filled her in on the changed vampire, no, human. How he was still strong, still able to fight, and healed quicker than even she.

_Make me what I was. So I can give her what she deserves._

He was always her equal. She didn't think it was possible for him to be more so. He could go out in the sun. She only had to hope now that he would want to share that with her.

A knock on the door made her jump from her reverie and awoke Xander from his doze in the chair on the opposite side of the bed. The door opened and a timid Willow looked in, and then opened the door a little further. She held two cups of steaming cocoa and the smell roused Xander immediately. The witch came inside and shut the door, padding over to them.

'Thought you guys might like a hot drink.' She whispered and handed the cups to their respective recipient. She looked over at Spike and then back to Buffy, eyebrows raised in questioning.

'No change. He's asleep. Just not the sort of sleep he can wake from.' Silence for a few moments, all eyes on the occupant of the bed. 'Was it me? Was it that horrible to see me again?' Buffy whispered.

Xander felt a pang in his chest. 'No, Buffy. Maybe it was just shock.'

'You said you'd told him everything.' She said quietly, and somewhat accusingly. Xander fixed his gaze on her and frowned.

'He didn't deserve to be lied to.'

'Because you've always been his stalwart supporter.' Buffy spat, feeling irrational anger rise up inside her. Willow raised her hands in order to placate the pair but neither paid attention.

'He was nearly dead Buffy. I sat with him while he healed and he wanted to know. He asked, I didn't lie.'

'Did you have to tell him every little detail?' Buffy asked, hurt by a seemingly deep betrayal.

'I couldn't lie to him!' Xander said, his voice getting louder. Willow flinched, and saw the still form of Spike twitch in response to the noise. Buffy scoffed at Xander's reaction, not noticing the movement on the bed.

'You lied to me!' She shouted, and Spike's eyes flew open.

'I didn't lie. I just didn't want to get your hopes up!'

'Protecting me again?! Always a good excuse of yours. Everyone is always doing what is best Buffy. Doesn't matter what Buffy wants, does it?' She spat. 'You _knew, _Xander. You knew how much I missed him, how much it tore me up that he was gone. I thought you understood!'

'Be quiet!' Willow shouted suddenly and the two others jumped, having forgotten she was there. The red head lowered her voice. 'He's awake. You woke him up.'

Spike blinked a few times, and then pulled himself up. Buffy rushed to his side, whilst Xander edged closer. The ex-vamp looked around, his gaze coming to rest on the slayer.

'Buffy…' He whispered. She smiled, tears flowing freely down her face. 'You made it.' He said, reaching out to touch her face. She flung her arms around his neck and held him tightly, sobbing for all she was worth.

'You stupid, stupid man. You died. You left me. You didn't have to do that. Stupid vampire.' She didn't notice her slip of the tongue. He inhaled the scent of her deeply and held her back, just as tightly. Willow watched the scene and tears fell from her eyes. Xander watched impassively, holding back his emotion in a manly fashion. For long moments, the two held each other, whispering comfort to each other.

Reluctantly they withdrew from the other and Willow coughed. 'Spike…what do you remember of the last few days?' She asked and he replied without looking at her, his gaze still firmly fixed on Buffy.

'Everything. I remember being in that alley and the hospital. I remember…Xander…' He broke his eye contact with Buffy to look at the one eyed brunette. 'You…I owe you mate. Big time.'

Xander smiled at him.

'What are friends for?'

* * *

Spike stood out in the garden, a place he'd come to find peaceful since his return as a human, even before his memories came back. Willow had ascertained that his guilt from his previous life had held his memories at bay and when he had seen the source of his guilt, the floodgates had opened so to speak and he'd "awakened" to everything. Shockingly enough, even though he had gained back everything from his former life, his and Xander's burgeoning friendship from the past few days had done nothing but flourish. Xander was true to his word, finding his own behaviour of the past below standard and wanting make amends. Spike himself, with the increased guilt over his own part in their damaged relationship of the past few years, had also been making an increased effort. He had even been sparring with Xander to teach him a few tricks.

Buffy had been adjusting to the change between her best friend and….well, Spike. She wasn't sure where they stood. There had been stolen kisses and fleeting touches but nothing further. She was worried that now he was alive, he would want to carry on his life elsewhere. She'd planned to confront him several times but had not gotten very far due to a lacking in courage: a new sensation that she didn't like.

She watched him now from the lobby as he indulged in the sunshine outside and she jumped as Xander appeared beside her.

'Jesus, Xand. You been picking up tips from Spike?'

The brunette chuckled at his petite friend. 'No. You were just too involved in oogling.'

'I was not…oogling.' She defended herself and then returned her gaze to Spike. 'I was…contemplating.'

'What he's got under the shirt? He's been flaunting it to the entire building the last few days. Not intentionally all the time though.' The former carpenter scratched his chin. 'Maybe you should just tell him Buffy. You can't pick up your relationship from broken scraps. You guys need to start again. And do it right this time.'

'Since when were you an advocate of the Spike and Buffy train?' She asked, looking at him sideways.

'Since I realised exactly how precious that one-time-only type of love it.' He said sadly, his thoughts drifting to Anya. Buffy felt his sadness and reached out to grasp his hand.

'What if he doesn't want me?' She asked, her voice sounding very much like a scared little girls. Xander smiled softly.

'Don't be stupid.' He chided gently. 'The guy is clearly still crazy about you. Even when he didn't remember you, he still felt funny when he said your name. He told me so. If that isn't true love, what is?' Buffy smiled back, and then pulled him into a hug. Xander returned it and for a few moments, he felt jealous of his best friend. Then he pulled away and felt nothing but happiness for her. 'Go to him.' She nodded and turned away, heading to the garden. He watched as she approached, and they spoke, before they embraced and Xander felt a warmth spread through his heart.

He turned away to give them privacy and looked towards to front door. What he saw made his heart stop.

In the doorway, dressed in a flowing white dress and very much real, stood his own happily ever after. She smiled softly at him and held her arms open, tears glistening in her eyes. He swore his heart stopped before he ran to her, no doubt in his mind that she was real, she was here. He picked her up and span her around, kissing her breathless as she laughed.

'I'm so sorry, Ahn. I love you so much.' He whispered, setting her on her feet.

'I know, Xander Harris. That's why they sent me back.' She whispered in return, kissing him hard. 'They said that we were not meant to be separated. Just like Spike and Buffy. We're forever, me and you.' She rubbed her nose against his in an eskimo kiss and they embraced again.

**And they all lived happily ever after.**

* * *

**A/N:** Another cheesy ending. I couldn't leave Xander alone! He needs his Anyanka!


End file.
